short musing on love and the work it takes

When we think of our favorite romcoms, we think of movies like “When Harry met Sally” or “The Princess Bride.” In movies like that, there is love, certainly, but more than anything else there is a willingness to choose to try again and again. To fight for something, even if it takes a long time.

In Princess Bride, this takes the literal form of fighting foes in a storybook style tale. In When Harry Met Sally, this means a slow and often uneasy—but eventually honest—willingness among the characters to open themselves up to hurt because they both know they have something special. Even if it takes them a while to realize it or become mature enough to know what to do with that. Now these movies aren’t perfect or reasonable blueprints for love stories of course. And of course there are toxic situations where it is much better to leave someone than stay. But I think we recognize that, when there are at least some elements of a strong foundation of care and respect, true love is worth fighting for. And indeed, to make any close relationship last (even plantonically), it will take some amount of sacrifice and effort.

Love requires work. Love requires effort, even when that effort comes with boundaries. And at first glance that can make me feel afraid, especially in a world where we’re told that we should be able to do things quickly and easily. And yet I think that’s what makes it worth it. I cannot think of anything sweeter than two people earnestly choosing each other, even when there are ugly moments (we are not perfect after all). What greater gift is there than slowly building a deep foundation of trust with someone. To eventually recognize that you’ve found someone that you can really and truly let see you without the constant fear that they will walk away. What greater gift is there than to be that kind of person for someone else?